As an English girl who's never taken a particular interest in American history or culture, I don't know what it means to be American. I've never been to America either, so I don't know what it's like - I expect I've been convinced of certain negative things about Americans that are probably as truthful as certain things said about the English.

We are all human though, so I remember the World Trade Centre disaster as a human tragedy without bothering about the politics.

People died, that's sad. No controversy needed.

I didn't get this song until yesterday. I'm going to go for an iPhone if I can return my Cookie, since it's got what I want in the media functions as well as having a good browser. Seems to be a better choice than a BlackBerry, especially because of the bigger screen.

So, I'm 24 today and it's time for the customary resolution to improve my life. Although now I've got college and the SCA to deal with - if I don't sort things out a bit, I'll struggle with both.

My birthday was excellent, with a trip to Reading to get my second mobile phone - I haven't had one since the early 00's - and a meal in Tootsie's. The staff stuck a sparkler in my toffee pudding and sung happy birthday. And little brother got me a card with some rather sad looking kittens on - I guess they'd have rather been on CuteOverload.com than a birthday card.

The phone's an LG KP500 'Cookie', and I'm a little disappointed. I didn't expect a mobile phone to be any good at storing music (not enough space), taking pictures (blurry), or browsing the 'net (slow, difficult controls, doesn't load stuff), and the KP500 didn't prove me wrong. It's probably great if all you want is a phone with a few extras though.
Apparently, an iPhone or BlackBerry would prove me wrong, so I might return it for one of them instead - BlackBerry or Apple? XD

I really want a phone that can be used to browse the 'net so I can use it while I'm camping at SCA events, to check train times, maps and so on. A camera function would be good too, you never know when you'll see something weird.

Which reminds me. We've had a rat in the garden eating the chickens' food, so I bought a humane rat trap. I can understand using poison when you're dealing with an unholy mass of rats that are making people's lives a misery, but one garden rat doesn't need killing. I'm only trying to move this one rattie on because Mum doesn't like them and he might eat the eggs.
I set up this trap where I've seen the rat go, and for a few days there wasn't anything. So I was delighted to see a big grey thing in there. It was a pigeon though, not a rat, and a mangy pigeon at that. I saw blood and messed feathers and I thought it was my trap until I saw it's head. On one side it had a blackened hole, and on the other side it had several fleshy growths. The biggest growth was about the size of a cherry stone, which was what I though it was at first, and it was falling off with another blackened hole behind it. This was where the blood was coming from.
Of course, I couldn't just let it go in this state, so I put it in the old finch cage and got the boys to take us to the vets. The pigeon was diagnosed with a severe ear infection, so I suppose the rotten holes were gangrene - I was curious, but it didn't seem right to question the poor vet, who was trying to be as euphemistic as possible. It was too badly ill to be cured, so I'm glad I did the right thing by taking it to the vets where it could be killed off painlessly.
There was a white baby puppy in the waiting room, which lightened my mood after the poor pigeon. His whole body wriggled when he wagged his tail, and he licked my hand. :)

Apparently, this stucture was abandoned, so it wasn't ant genocide, and a rancher needed the land for grazing anyway. But it does make me wonder - if it wasn't abandoned, would the destruction of an insect civilization be worth it for beef and scientific discovery? Are ants sentient, and if they are, does it make them as worthy of rights as us?
Do worker ants go on strike sometimes? >_

Oh my, I am still using the 'net, but I've had an enormous amount of offline work recently...

Currently working on reports on my first and second SCA events.

Thanks to a taxi-driving friend with a spare ticket, I'm going to the big Hyde Park festival tomorrow. Right now, I'm packing my little drawstring bag and making some alterations to an enormous Gaslight Anthem t-shirt. I love my sewing machine, it makes things like that so much faster.

This will be my first big music festival, I've been to smaller events before, but never one like this - people as far as the eye can see.

I've got a Twitter page now, for those who really must keep updated on my activities. And besides, someone called 鳥 (Japanese: tori = bird) should definitely be twittering.

http://twitter.com/Ciepher

One of my favourite sketches ever, it's a parody of The Two Ronnies sung by Mel Smith and Griff Rhys-Jones.

( Lyrics, and slang notes for the non-British... )

While I was on antibiotics for my infected tooth, Mum and I got a bit confused with all the medications I was on (10mg citalopram, a contraceptive pill to prevent acne, a vitamin pill, and liquid antibiotics), so I didn't take my anti-depressant, citalopram, for a few days. I didn't notice any immediate unpleasant effects, so I decided to try not taking it again.
Bad idea - I'd never heard of SSRI discontinuation syndrome.

I'm not sure how many days I was off citalopram before I began to feel bad, since I wasn't sure when I'd forgot to take the damn thing in the first place, but I first began to feel really dizzy. I've had this before when I've forgotten a dose, and assumed that it would go. It didn't, and I began to feel sort of off-colour and a bit odd. Ok, that was weird, but not unreasonable.
Last night, though, I began to feel sick, panicky, cold and generally unwell. It was very similar to going back to my depression and panic before I began the citalopram, in fact. I had an absolutely horrible night, and only after I'd had citalopram and sat up with Mum for a bit did I begin to feel ok again. I still feel pretty rough, cold and shaky right now, but apparently it can take about a week to get entirely back to normal.

SSRI discontinuation syndrome can begin a from a day to a week after giving up an SSRI or SNRI drug. Symptoms are described as 'flu-like' with headache, diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, chills, dizziness and fatigue, and you may also experience insomnia, agitation, impaired concentration, vivid dreams, depersonalization and irritability. I'm sure that it's quite possible to just put up with them, but they can last anything from a week to seven weeks, and vary in intensity. It doesn't indicate that you're addicted to the drug, but that your body is having problems getting balanced without it. Going back to the drug should cure the problem quickly, but I think it can take some time, about a week apparently.

So, if you're on an anti-depressant and want to get off it, make sure you talk to a doctor first, and make sure they know about SSRI discontinuation syndrome. Cold turkey is not good!

I don't usually feel the need to rant about a movie, but 1408 was pretty odious. I've never read the Stephen King story, so I can't say whether that was better or whether I'd have liked the film if I'd read it, but I'm sure the story was better! It seemed like the makers were trying too hard to make it weird and surreal, and it ended up just looking overworked. I'm also sick and tired of the 'bad/stupid atheist' idea, it must count as a cliché by now. I've got no belief in the paranormal either, but I don't go around trying to squash people's imaginations and religion. I'm also not stupid enough to stay in a room when there's proof that over 50 people have died there - I might not think it was ghosts, but dodgy facilities or foul play are quite possible. I'd go with another paranormal researcher, organise for someone to call my cell phone every half-hour or so.
Something else that really bothered me and must also be a cliché is why people instantly loose all rationality when confronted by the supernatural. If you meet your dead father or see a tiny man in a fridge and you're a hardcore skeptic, you're more likely to think you're going mad than begin a conversation with them. And why did he only try to open the door once? My highest priority in that situation would be to try and get the door down, I'd have thrown everything I had at it.

Ah, my old friend, the root canal.

My innocuous little brown cavity was hiding a dirty secret - a filling I'd had years before hadn't been excavated properly and had been rotting away merrily ever since. I've had 'sensitive teeth' for about that long, I'd just gotten used to being careful with cold drinks. I should have known.

Anyway, the dentist drilled out a big infected hole that poured with blood and goodness knows what, while I was only partially numbed due to even four injections not being able to penetrate the purulence. The hole's being left open for a day to drain out, and something tastes vile, I'm chewing gum and rinsing it with mouthwash or clean water often. It might be what's expected, or it might just be the stuff used to clean it out. I'm on antibiotics and am taking paracetamol for the ache, although it's not nearly as bad as it was and may mainly be due to bruising from the injections.


_{www.nataliedee.com}

Tooth Abscess Info:
- A tooth abscess throbs and feels like a pressure, as if the tooth is going to burst. There might be a swelling near the tooth and/or high temperature. Or there might not.
- If it's an abscess, pain relief might not work, maybe it's just too packed in in there or something. Putting something cold on it (cold water, a cold compress on the face) might be a relief, and it's still worth trying a pain medication. Rinsing it with alcohol or strong mouthwash might also help. If you can see the cavity, put clove oil or a local anaesthetic cream on it.
- Get to a dentist as quickly as possible, it's the only way you can really get rid of the pain. (Information and support on dentist phobia.) It may be painful getting it treated, but it's much worse if you don't, and the dentist will try to make it painless if they're worth their salt.
- If it's not treated, a tooth abscess can cause the skin around it to go rotten, blood poisoning, or infections in organs such as the heart and the brain (eek!). Yes, you can die because of a tooth abscess (the story of a child who did).
- Treatment will probably not be immediately complete, you might have to wait for the abscess to heal before the tooth can be filled or after the tooth was extracted. Whatever, it won't be nearly as painful as it was before treatment.
- Antibiotics can give you a tummy ache, since they might kill the good bacteria in your tummy as well as the bad bacteria in your tooth. Eat something probiotic (Activia, Immunitas, Digestivas, Yakult, Actimel and Vitality are supposed to be good brands).

I've always been plagued with tooth problems, and have written about it several times in this journal. At least I know what it is now - I have genetically weak enamel and acidic saliva, as do many of my relatives on my mother's side.
This being the case, it's particularly annoying that the only sort of pain that you're likely to encounter in normal life that really upsets me is dental pain. I've sat through tattoos while chatting to the tattooist as if nothing was happening, thought about buying red nail varnish when having blood taken at the doctors, and call my brother a wimp when he prefers using antiseptic cream instead of hydrogen peroxide solution for treating small cuts. When it comes to anything uncomfortable to do with my teeth though, I'm the wimpiest wimp to have ever wimped out.
Apparently, I have a tiny wee cavity in my front tooth, which was supposed to be filled tomorrow, but I've been in constant pain for a day and a night. Thankfully (praise Saint Apollonia), I've got an emergency appointment this morning. I haven't been able to eat or sleep, and ibuprofen, paracetamol, co-codamol, alchohol and frequent cold compresses haven't made the slightest bit of difference.
So, I'm sitting here holding a fucking brass mouse to my upper lip.

It has been a good Christmas, despite a bit of family and exam stress. I think I got everything I wanted, which was a few real gifts such as the new S.T.A.L.K.E.R game and a new messenger bag, but mainly just a happy and peaceful Christmas. It was so cute to see my brother trying to guess what I'd bought him - he's so childish sometimes!

Now, the traditional New Year's Resolutions:
- Keep my room tidy.
- Update my sites more and pay more attention to my friends on the internet.
- Draw and write more.
- Work hard at college.
- A general commitment to becoming a nicer person.

Some years ago, I wrote about the funny and fascinating Christmas traditions of a European country called Catalonia. Since it's Christmas soon, let's revisit the shit log and nativity scene shitter!
The creator of this video also has a website, www.catalonian-christmas.com.

More YouTube:
The life of a caga tió.
Police brutality! Some officers try to get the log to shit in a tió-themed comedy.
A family's caga tió home video.
Another family's tió tradition.

I seem to have a habit of posting from odd places. Which reminds me, Christmas may be a good excuse for getting a basic laptop. Then, not only will I never have to worry about being out of touch from the world when on holiday, but I'll also be able to experience the luxury of using the computer without having to get out of bed. XD

Anyway, right now I am in a hotel in London. Yesterday, I attended a conference about studying A-Level Psychology. Talks on study tips, research, and a few aspects of psychology. It was held in a Quaker meeting hall that's hired out for events like that, and overall it was a good chance for me to learn a bit more. And hopefully increase my chances of getting another A.

Since I was in London already, and needed to stay the night, I decided to use the chance to do a bit of museum trotting and Christmas shopping. The latter will take place in a Carnaby sales event and a Christmas fair in Hyde Park. As for the former, I'm hoping to visit some of the places where my family probably wouldn't go - the museum of the Royal College of Surgeons and the War and Medicine exhibit in the Wellcome Building, for example!

Also, this is the first time I've stayed away from home entirely on my own and not with friends or school. Good practice if I intend to go and teach English in Japan.

I think I'm losing my hair. I admit I've been frying it a bit lately what with bleaching it, then realising it doesn't suit me, and going back to black. But I've done that before - although a long time ago, when my hair was much shorter - and I don't think I had nearly as much hair loss then.
I've looked it up on the BBC Health website, and they seem to say that dyeing it doesn't cause permanent hair loss at least. They seem to say that female hair loss could be caused by telogen effluvium, a condition that causes more hair follicles than usual to go into a resting phase due to stress, medication, bad diet, illness and so on. Basically, things that stress out the body. Around one to six months, usually around three months later, a load of hair falls out.
Three months ago was the end of August, when we got the chickens, my mum was ill for a long time, and my brother sort of announced that he was growing up and therefore no longer really shared my interest in imaginary things. Oh, and it was my birthday and the beginning of college not long after that. And then there's my aunts ongoing problems with cancer and her daughter's baby.
Certainly not some of the most stressful events in my life, but slightly bumpier than usual. I suppose it could have caused my effluvious telogen phase, especially since now I'm becoming 'normaler', I seem to feel more than I used to.
Apparently telogen effluvium lasts about six months at most, and will only cause slight thinning if that. For now, I'll just eat more protein and red meat, and try to keep calm! ^^

I am announcing my official return to the internet. I've had a lot going on recently, a lot of changes in my daily life as well as my state of mind. I suppose I can say I'm growing up.

I wrote an autobiography for English class, it gave me a chance to think my childhood over, and possibly gave me a feeling of being able to leave that part of my life behind and start again.
I don't need to be damaged goods.

It's my 23rd birthday on the 5th and (after explaining to her exactly what it is) Mum has bought me a Wacom Bamboo Fun graphics tablet. It's something I've been waiting for since I learnt how to colour in using Paint Shop Pro - the ability to draw on the computer as you'd draw with a pencil.
I don't think it could replace drawing on paper, but the ability to just pull up a window and start sketching will greatly improve my output. The keyboard has given me the possibility of writing as fast as I think, so the tablet might let me draw as fast as I think as well.
It will help me with my pencil-based work as well, I'll be able to line them in and colour them without mousie.

When we were a little younger, not much younger at all, my brother and I used to roleplay, tell stories and discuss fiction. I admit that we did get a bit sillier and more jaded as we got older, which was a shame as we then had the intelligence not to, but the escapism, creativity and fun were still there.
He's grown out of fantasy now, but I'm still left behind. Though I've tried, I still can't recapture the enjoyment of discussing fiction with a real friend, I suppose because I'm not really a social person, and my brother was the closest thing to an offline kindred spirit who shared my particular 'fandoms' so far.
I'm pretty certain he would find it all terribly childish now - I'm not sure if he roleplays any more, or even if he's got any interest in 'fandom' besides computer games and the occasional gory book. He's far more rooted in the real world than I am, and he might be better off for it.

It brings up my frequent concern - is it ok to have an imagination when you're an adult? Is it ok to identify with characters and daydream even after you've passed the usual age of make-believe?
I have doubts about it sometimes, but really, I think it must be normal. I mean, fiction of all sorts is extremely popular, and a good deal of it is read/watched/listened to by healthy, successful adults. I don't see why being a fan should impede my success.
I can just feel awfully lonely when I've got no-one to share it with.